The Zen Master and the Type A

As I sit in front of the wood stove on this stormy-snowy morning in March, I hope that this will be the last of the snow. There is still a foot of it on the ground and I can’t even see my gardens, much less plant things. I have started some flower seedlings indoors and they are up and tenaciously growing—little inch-high things under lights in the dining room. Normally I start seedlings in the living room where the southwest windows bring in tons of light. Normally. But this spring has been unusually gray, not much sun at all, so for the first time in five years, the seedlings are under the grow lights.

But even as our climate, our planet, our home, is becoming more unpredictable; I am reminded of something Bernie Glassman said. Bernie is one of the authors of The Dude and the Zen Master—he being the Zen master part and Jeff Bridges being the dude. I bring this up because it is this iteration of him that people may be familiar with. But I met Bernie way back, in the 1980’s, when I was an ardent student of Zen and he was my teacher’s teacher. I used to, back then, go on zazenkai’s (day-long meditations) at the zendo in Long Island. And during one of these zazenkai’s, Bernie sat across from me. That day, as I sometimes used to do, I cast my mind out, seeing what I could pick up—was he fidgeting? Ego-bound? Thinking about dinner? I prided myself on being able to read energy somewhat (which is, looking back on it, quite obnoxious, since it’s all about power and control).

But at any rate, my point is, from Bernie, I could read nothing. Nothing. It was as if he was not even there. And that meant, of course, that he was the real deal. Because if you have fully realized, you walk in step with the world, not pushing through it. You are one with it.

That day, Bernie said something that has stayed with me all these years. He said, “We try to improve a little, but we are who we are.”

Well that struck me like a big, warm hug. I was comforted and freed and validated all at once. Because if there’s one thing I’m always insecure about, it’s that I’m not good enough.

 “We try to improve a little, but we are who we are.”

 There is a place to rest inside those words.

child and violin-1

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